Seeing The National tonight with batman. Going to drinks beforehand and dinner after. It’s at the Chicago Theater, which I’ve never been to but have heard it’s beautiful. Hardcore excited per usual. I can’t wait to tell him I just put two weeks notice in at my job. The National concert was already an amazing plan for the evening, but now it’s also grounds to celebrate a much needed change in my life.
I guess I’ve made an improvement because this time, instead of feeling disconnected and indifferent, I’m really hurt. I have that ache and pain in my chest.
I liked it better before, when it didn’t bother me if you said or did something hurtful.
But good news for you, right? I went ahead and let you get closer
and this is where it’s gotten me.
Micah, I have no idea how to get ahold of you anymore but I think about you often and always fondly and hope you are well.
Don’t be a stranger, yeah?
My heart still isn’t aching when you aren’t here. I was trying to let go. I haven’t yet though and I’m not sure I should. I am so content when I’m alone. It was nice with you here but there is something about you I still don’t trust and I am not the type to question my intuition. There is still a part of me who thinks that maybe you’re not the person I’ve thought you were for such a long time. Maybe because I feel like this is bound to end. Because of you. I can feel it. I know it. So why throw myself into the fire?
I don’t know what to think when you’re not around. You say the right things but I think you say them for the wrong reasons.
If we are out on a date and you consistently pull your cellphone out to text above the table and laugh and smirk and don’t even bother making it a part of our conversation, I am going to call you out on how big of a dick you are and then I’m going to ignore you for the rest of the evening.
Suck it, ass.
every time i get close to completely letting go with you again, something stops inside of me. every time i want to tell you i miss you or start to actually smile when you say something cute or sweet, something inside of me pulls back and says ‘no, don’t do it. don’t fall for it’
this is what happens. this is what happens when you hurt someone who did nothing but love you and be good to you. And you tell me you know you fucked up and you’re so sorry but sorry really isn’t doing it for me anymore. I don’t know if I will ever allow myself to feel the same way about you again