Okay this it’s what’s going to happen in the next few days and it’s going to be great.
Notes to self:
- clean the apartment. all of it. the whole thing. the mess makes you anxious and you know you’ll feel better when it’s done
- catch up on schoolwork. write those papers. get that shit done early, you’ll be glad you did
- sign up for health insurance. yes, it is overwhelming, but it must be done. and you fucking need it so just do it you lazy slag
- the snow has melted. go on a bike ride. who cares if it’s 7 degrees outside AGAIN. this can just be your way of telling winter to go fuck itself
- join a gym. it’s expensive but you know you can cut out other stupid costs and afford to pay for it. you will be so happy. you love working out. exercising WILL keep you from falling into a terrible pit of depression
- start eating better. seriously. just fucking do it. working out will help. buy fresh foods, eat regularly, eat enough, do not over eat, cut out the sweets, stay hydrated
- start doing yoga at home again. your back never hurts when you do yoga! and it helps you relax. you really miss it and it’s stupid that you ever stopped
- continue doing the 30 day songwriting challenge even though you are missing 12 days of it. the creative process is healthy and you will learn things and it’s a better way to spend your time than dicking around on the computer or watching netflix for three hours straight
- sign up for therapy again at school. you might as well, right? it never hurts to talk to someone once a week for 45 minutes
- go out when people invite you to go out. stop making excuses. you are fortunate to have so many beautiful people in your life who want to spend time with you and every single one of them deserves it. leaving the house is a good thing even if it makes you a little anxious
- write Ashlee back! she wrote you forever ago and you said you’d be a penpal and you’re doing a superbly shitty job at it! real talk. there is NO excuse for the fact that you have not written her back yet!
- stay positive, really. try as hard as you possibly can to constantly remind yourself of the good things surrounding your life. feel sad, understand the reality of every situation, be honest with yourself, but do not get overwhelmed to the point of having panic attacks. you have the cognitive strength to avoid such emotionally, mentally, and physically draining situations. love yourself. take care of yourself. you deserve it and you have someone who really depends on you being the best version of yourself that you possibly can be. healthy and strong in every way. you CAN do this. you WILL do this
Tomorrow is the anniversary of my mom’s death and I’m pretty much losing my fucking mind over it. Fuck.
I just want to meet someone who will lay next to me and read and cuddle and not find me boring because that’s how I have to spend so much of my time.