dearest forsaken

in the dark and quiet of my empty room
alone in my bed
stomach sick and too sad to sleep i can hear my neighbor crying

as i listen to her there is a pain inside me i cannot explain

i reached out and placed my hand on the wall near the end of my bed, so cool compared to the small cave i’ve nestled myself into under the covers

if only that could comfort her
if she could feel my palm resting gently there

i want to tell her
you are not alone
i am listening

but i am sure she hears me cry

Sometimes I feel like I should be a spice girl or something

Sometimes I feel like I should be a spice girl or something

two weeks ago you sat across the table from me, 
a look in your eyes that said you had just lost everything.
i don’t understand, jess 
what’s the point? you give yourself to someone, you
let them get close to you and that’s it. 
there is no guarantee. there is no promise
and then when you think you are really safe, when you think
'this person could never do such an awful thing to me',
they do 

i told him it was worth it. 
i told him not to let the carelessness of one make him
bitter and hardened 
but it’s not about that
it doesn’t matter if it’s one or four or
every girl you’ll ever meet
it matters that it is the one, out of so many 
that you let get close 


if you give someone the opportunity, 
they are going to shit all over you 
and if they are good- as many of them are-
they will do it when you are least expecting it 


maybe i was wrong 

when you become vulnerable you are not saying
here i am, in front of you, and i am fragile, so please don’t hurt me
really, you are begging them to see how far they can go 
here i am, now you can do what you’ve really wanted; now you can
see just how much i am willing to take

Alright so it was gorgeous out today. Worked all morning. Laid in the sun and did homework in wicker park after, saw a good friend and caught up on things, came home and went for a run (best time yet, 10:04 mile - I know that’s not really “good” but for me it’s awesome), and now I’m gonna make myself a healthy dinner and upload some photographs. Happy Jess.

Having one of those days where despite some problems and conflict, I truly feel like everything is going to be okay. Today I am more confident than ever in who I am, what I have to offer myself and others, and of how strong I am.

Kaylee is my saving grace. She is my everything. I had a rough night with Nick and haven’t been feeling well today and we’re just on the phone and sharing goofy photos via Facebook and laughing. She keeps randomly just saying that she loves me. I’m so fortunate to have her in my life, to make it worth something, to have kept me from falling off the deep end, from killing myself, from giving up. She is the reason why I am the person that I am, why I am kind and loving and selfless. The greatest sister I could ever ask for.

  • I like my coffee how I like myself: Dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
    — (via thekisseffect)
    Went and saw The National tonight. Incredible, of course. (at The Chicago theater)

    Went and saw The National tonight. Incredible, of course. (at The Chicago theater)

    Seeing The National tonight with batman. Going to drinks beforehand and dinner after. It’s at the Chicago Theater, which I’ve never been to but have heard it’s beautiful. Hardcore excited per usual. I can’t wait to tell him I just put two weeks notice in at my job. The National concert was already an amazing plan for the evening, but now it’s also grounds to celebrate a much needed change in my life.

    © veils and visions